


Timebomb

by RiverSong1112



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Also Roxas smokes but it's not always as much as the first chapter?, And I'm back to rare pairs, Based off a song, College AU, It has been entirely too long since I've written for this fandom, M/M, Soul Mate AU, how do I always do this to myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-18 18:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverSong1112/pseuds/RiverSong1112
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes your soulmate was just waiting for you; sometimes the name on their wrist wasn’t yours. Roxas knew this, he just never expected to be in the latter category. [ Modern Soulmate AU. Based loosely on Timebomb by Tove Lo. RikuRoku Crossposted from Tumblr and to ffnet ]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look at me. Writing fanfics for a rare pair again.

“I thought I might find you up here.”

Roxas startles a little at the sudden voice to his side. The clock tower was a restricted area, that never stopped him from sneaking through the barricades and sitting on the edge high above the city, but it normally did keep others away. But if his friends were looking for him, it didn’t often keep them out.

“What do you want, Riku?” his tone was ever so slightly exasperated and he digs into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and putting it to his lips.

“Just to talk.” Riku sits a couple feet away from him on the ledge, facing the clock instead of the infinite sky, but Roxas could still feel eyes on him, knowing Riku was still watching him.

“Could you not have waited until I came back down?” His words were muffled around the cigarette he was currently lighting. Not that he had been planning on coming down any time soon. He was trying to avoid this conversation.

“You mean when you decided that coming down wouldn’t mean facing the problem?” There’s an unamused chuckle to his side and Roxas doesn’t bother to hold back his frown as he mentally curses Riku for knowing him that well. “Not a chance. You run away too much.”

Roxas takes a deep drag from the cigarette, exhaling the smoke in a sigh and figuring Riku just didn’t know what he was talking about. He drags the silence on for another moment, taking another lungful of smoke before replying. “Maybe that’s the only way I know how to cope.”

“Nasty habit, that.” Riku’s full gaze was on him now, and Roxas’s face morphs into a scowl.

“What do you want me to do then?” He shifts around to look Riku in the eye, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth, trailing smoke as he gestures. “We can’t all get what we want.”

“Not if you don’t try, you can’t.”

Roxas is startled into laughter, but it wasn’t amusement, not truly, there was a darker undertone there. His gaze shifts to look over the edge at the ground far below and a self deprecating smirk settles on his face. The cigarette finds it’s way back to his mouth as he absently fiddles with the bracelet on his left wrist. Ever since he was old enough to know what a soulmate was, he kept the name covered, even more so now. Hiding the name from both the world and himself.

“What are you running away from, anyway?” Riku’s voice was soft and curious.

Roxas’s hand quickly falls away from his bracelet as if burned and he removes the cigarette from his mouth again to flick the ash out into the open air. “Nothing. I’m not running away from anything.”

“Bullshit you’re not. You wouldn’t spend so much time up here _alone_ if you weren’t running from _something_.”

Roxas looks back to Riku with a glare. “What do you know?”

“Next to nothing since you don’t talk to anyone. If you don’t want to talk to me, fine, but Sora’s getting worried.”

“Sora doesn’t have the time to be worried. He’s too busy spending all his time with Kairi.” The unspoken and you lingers in the air for a moment and dies on his lips and Roxas finds he’s scowling again, unsure if Riku even heard the silent words.

“That doesn’t mean he can’t worry. You two used to be close, you know. I thought that was what being twins was about.”

“That has nothing to do with this.” Or it had everything to do with it, Roxas wasn’t sure. He knew what names were on the wrists of the other three, and since figuring it out he’d been slowly backing away, keeping his distance.

“Then what does this have to do with?” Riku’s frowning, Roxas realizes and he’s suddenly aware they’re about to have a fight.

He stubs out his cigarette on the brick next to him and shifts to face Riku again, one foot on the clock tower, the other still hanging in the air, straddling the parapet, eyes narrowing into a glare. “So what? You can go running back to my brother and tell him? Tell him why I’m spending all my time sulking up here?”

“No, of course not. We’re _worried_.” Riku’s frown tightens, his eyebrows pulling closer together.

“You want to know what I’m running from? You want to know what my problem is?” And Roxas is moving again, shifting his other foot to the clock tower and standing, pacing in front of Riku, frowning down at his feet and rubbing his forehead. “You really want to know why I keep leaving, why I’m pulling away?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.”

Roxas stops in front of him and lifts his gaze to meet Riku’s, frustration in each set of eyes equaling the ones looks back. “ _You_. You’re the problem.” And Roxas turns on the ball of his foot and stalks away.

It’s not like the name on Riku’s wrist matched his anyway.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Part two. Officially the first fic I've written past posting. I THINK it may be over at pt 6. I'm not sure yet. All I know right now is I'm posting on Mondays and have through 6 written.
> 
> Warnings: None for this chapter!

 

"So Riku told me you talked."

Roxas mentally curses and wonders if he's ever going to get an uninterrupted moment alone again. With an exaggerated effort, he lifts his head, allowing his eyes to slowly drag away from the book held open on his knee and looks at his twin leaning in his doorway. "Talk is a strong word for it."

Sora takes his response as permission and moves into Roxas's room, sitting on the edge of the bed before continuing. "He also told me that you essentially told him nothing, leaving more questions than answers."

Roxas squirms a little under Sora's searching gaze and allows his eyes to drop back to his book, not intending to read, just not continue looking at Sora. "That was kind of the point actually." He didn't want to give anyone the answers they were seeking; not because he was trying to be a mystery, just that he didn't want to open up. Not about this.

"Why?" There wasn't worry in Sora's tone, merely curiosity and part of Roxas just wanted to blow up on him in the face of it. Sora didn't deserve that though, he wasn't the one Roxas was frustrated with.

"It's-" He pauses, catches the words trying to form on his lips and frowns at himself. "I'm fine. Sora. Really." It's quite possibly the most obvious lie he's told in his life.

Sora's shaking his head and sighing. "No you're not Roxas. We can all see it. Hiding on clock towers and in homework and fiction isn't going to change reality." And now the worry was tinting Sora's tone and Roxas's frown deepens.

"Acknowledging problems isn't going to fix them either." Roxas wonders idly if all twins can force honesty out of each other, or if it's just Sora. Sora could bring an honest streak out of even the most pathological and it wasn't fair. Roxas should be allowed to run away if he wanted to, spend days drowning in fiction and away from the real world. Just because days were turning into months meant nothing.

"Acknowledging is the first step to fixing them though. You can't fix something you don't know." There's an amused undercurrent there and Roxas would be upset if it was anyone but Sora finding amusement in his petulance. That psychology course Sora took was really not helping Roxas's efforts to keep secrets.

"Yeah, well, this isn't a problem that can be fixed." It's a stubborn and childish reply, to be sure and Roxas is extra careful to not touch the bracelet covering the name on his wrist, careful to not give Sora yet another piece of this puzzle. While he spent a lot of time with his head in the clouds, Sora was anything but stupid and Roxas didn't want him figuring it out.

Didn't want him to realize that the name scrawled across his wrist was Riku's.

"You wouldn't know unless you try." He's frowning now and Roxas can't help but notice that Sora frowns more around him than anyone else these days and he wonders when that happened, what made that change.

"Funny. Riku said the same thing." And it wasn't funny at all, because he knew they were right, but nothing would change this, _fix_ this, nothing could alter this cruel trick of fate. But it was actually almost hysterical because of _course_ his soulmate would have Sora's name on their wrist. At least Sora's soul mate wasn't Riku, Roxas wasn't sure he'd be able to stand that.

"He's right. And I know you know that, you're just being stubborn."

Roxas sighs and lets his head fall back against his headboard staring at the ceiling. They just didn't _know_ what they were talking about. It wasn't that easy. And, of course, Roxas could explain it to them, but that would defeat the purpose of hiding it for this long. What was that about lies always growing? "It's not that simple, Sora."

"Then _make_ it that simple. Nothing is so bad that you can't find a way around it." Roxas can feel the frown on Sora's face and he doesn't like it. Doesn't like being the reason Sora's upset and worrying. Doesn't like being the reason he's frowning so often. Sora was always the happier one.

Intentionally not thinking about it, Roxas slips the bracelet off of his wrist and shows Sora the name written there, eyes shifting his gaze just enough to see Sora's face, to gauge his reaction. There's a small gasp and then a slightly confused noise as Sora takes in the information and Roxas quickly slips the bracelet back on.

"That doesn't explain-"

"My name isn't on his. I know. I- I saw it once. By accident." Roxas's gaze shifts to the side and he worries his bottom lip while fingering his bracelet for lack of something for his hands to do. He's already starting to regret it, already knows Sora will find a way to make this work for him and Roxas isn't sure if he'll be able to counter it.

"That doesn't mean it's hopeless. I've seen you two, it's anything but hopeless," There's a wry grin on Sora's face now and Roxas can feel it. He can feel Sora's optimism rising and it hurts to know he's about to crush it again, but he has to. He just _can't do this._

"I don't want to be a replacement. I don't want to be picked just because he can't have you." And, really, he shouldn't have told Sora that. Sora shouldn't know that if Riku hasn't told him, but Roxas is a little past caring at this point.

"Wait, my name is on his wrist?"

Roxas gives a silent nod, hating himself just a little. He's been trying desperately to keep his own secret he shouldn't be purposely spilling others'.

"Then that's the answer, isn't it? Riku's my best friend, but Kairi and I, well, our names match. Mom once told me that not all soul mates are meant to be together, like, romantically so maybe that's what Riku's name means. Just because the name isn't yours doesn't mean you don't belong together." Still grinning, Sora hops up off Roxas's bed and makes for the door.

"Hey Sora?" Roxas calls, allowing himself to look at his twin again.

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell him?"

"So long as you will."


	3. Chapter 3

Sora gave him a week before he started giving him pointed looks whenever Riku was in the same vicinity of them, and Roxas was certain that Sora was purposely making sure they were in the same vicinity _often_. He loved his twin, he did, but he was also certain that Riku was going to catch on to those looks and Roxas’s pointed ignoring sooner rather than later.

To solve this problem, Roxas was spending increasingly more time in the library on the college campus. It was a good environment to be doing his homework anyway because, then, if he needed a reference or to look something up he just had to find the right shelf. And, moreover, he could actually be _alone_ without interruption for once.

Of course, that all ended when it was time to leave.

Roxas was frowning at the rain. He and Sora lived just off campus so it wasn’t a far walk, but by the time he got there he was liable to be soaked, and he wasn’t sure the books in his backpack would survive that.

“Need a ride?”

And of _course_ Riku was the one to find him. Roxas’s frown deepens, just for a moment, and he schools his features into a careful neutrality before looking over at Riku and raising an eyebrow in question.

“Sora said you could probably use one. You weren’t home yet and the library closes around now so.” Riku gives a shrug and Roxas scowls. Sora knew how to make things awkward, that was for sure. But then, he figure if he didn’t tell Riku, Sora would and he wasn’t sure he quite wanted that to happen, if Riku was to find out Roxas preferred to be the one to say it.. But the point of this whole endeavor was for him to _not find out._

“Yeah.” It was more an explosive sigh as Roxas allows himself to give in to the reality of the situation.. Riku’s car was likely to be the only way he managed to get home with all his books and homework in tact anyway. And he didn’t _have_ to tell Riku. The drive was only a few minutes, he could stand that.

“Car’s this way,” Riku says with a smirk and a jerk of his head before turning and leading the way. With a grumble, Roxas follows.

“So how long were you waiting there?” Roxas asks as Riku slides the key into the ignition, desperate to be the initiator of any conversation to keep the topics safe.

“Just a few minutes.” The car rumbles to life and Riku carefully backs out of the parking space. Roxas is pointedly not watching him, shuffling through his backpack to make sure the least important things were on the outside to make sure that if his bag did get drenched he wasn’t likely to lose anything, and desperately trying to find a new conversation topic.

“So, Sora said you have something to tell me,” Riku says after pulling onto the road, beating him to the punch. The words are quiet, almost like Riku wasn’t sure he had wanted to mention it, and Roxas wishes he hadn’t. If he had just waited another minute Roxas would have found something to say and they wouldn’t be forced into an awkward conversation in an environment he couldn’t escape from.

“No clue what he means.” Roxas pulls a notebook out of his bag, straightening the loose papers he had tucked between the notes, finding any reason to not look at Riku. Feigning ignorance wasn’t likely the best way to avoid the conversation but there was no escaping it now anyway. The longer he played dumb the longer he could keep the secret.

“He said it has to do with why you’re avoiding everyone,” Riku continues pointedly, knowing Roxas was lying, and Roxas knew he knew it. But he didn’t want to talk about this. Not now, not ever. With the lengthening silence, however, he can feel Riku’s curiosity, and quite possibly frustration, growing.

Roxas shoves the notebook back into his bag and shifts to look out the dark window instead, opting now to state the obvious instead of pretending to be clueless. “Maybe I don’t want to talk about it.”

“He said that too. But he also said it had to be me.”

Roxas pointedly stays silent and Riku sighs, giving up for the time being. They were halfway to Sora and Roxas’s apartment anyway, not nearly enough time to have an actual conversation. However, when he parks in front of their tiny house, Riku levels him with a pointed look and Roxas knows damn well that should he retreat now Riku was going to follow him, time of night be damned.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me about it. But obviously you told Sora, and if it applies to me then I’d like to know what it is.”

They say two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. Clearly it was time to kill Sora. Barring that, maybe three could keep a secret. Or, at least, let it edge it’s way into open territory. They did keep telling him you don’t know until you try, right? What’s the worst that could happen?

Against his better judgement, Roxas turns to look at Riku. He looks frustrated, a little tired and Roxas figured, currently,  both emotions were his fault and part of him is annoyed at how easily misery spreads. But those teal eyes were determined to get the truth, too. There was no escape, there was the truth, or an elaborate lie and his twin’s unending disappointment.  Roxas is getting ready to talk. Getting ready to say something, anything really, when instead he sighs and shifts again. He twists around and lifts one knee to the passenger’s seat under him and uses it as leverage to lean over the gear shift. Just a couple more inches, and could this really be so simple?

The first thought through his head after their lips touch is _oh my god I should have done this ages ago_. The second is _fuck, now he’s_ never _going to leave me alone_. With that abrupt realization Roxas pulls out of the kiss, quickly grabs his bag and retreats through the rain into his house. Riku doesn’t follow him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is, sadly, not the end. Could have been. If I was someone else I might have been. But it is not.
> 
> Warnings: cliche, cigarettes, really, just par for the course so far.

He manages another week. A week of avoiding Riku completely, of dodging every time he sees even a glimpse of silver, of hiding every time he heard a voice even remotely similar. He hardly even went home except to sleep, in fear Sora would have him over. He was starved for social contact, to be sure, but he couldn't risk it. He didn't even stay to see Riku's reaction to the kiss, he didn't even know what to expect.

But of course, that week that was blissfully free of confrontation had to come to an end. At the same place all of this started too, on the clock tower.

The moment Roxas hears footsteps he's pulling out and lighting a cigarette. He's not read for this, not ready at all and he doesn't want it to happen, he just wants everyone to forget everything that had happened relating to this. He would go back in time and endure the potential heartbreak of staying close, of not pulled away from the group if it meant this confrontation would never happen.

"So." The word comes right as Roxas is taking his first drag, the voice he had been avoiding. He's still carefully not looking back at Riku. The word just hangs in the air for a minute until Riku is sure Roxas isn't going to speak first and continues. "Been a while."

Roxas sighs out the smoke in his lungs at that. So now they're both playing ignorant. If only for a moment. "Yeah. It has."

"You want to tell me why we're not talking about this?" Riku moves forward finally, sitting on the parapet facing out over the newly dark sky. Roxas resisted the urge to scoot further away.

"Do you want to tell me why you're obsessed with talking about everything all of a sudden?" Roxas counters kicking his feet simply to feel his heels bounce off the bricks and wondering if Riku would follow him if he up and left right now.

"I'm trying to figure out what's up with you. You don't talk to me, fine, you barely talk to Sora and Kairi and then when we _do_ talk we fight and then, out of the blue, you kiss me and run off. Excuse me if I'm trying to figure out what signals to listen to."

Riku had a point, but that was the problem- he _always_ had a point. He deserved to know, of course he did and Roxas knew he had painted himself into a corner; there was no lie he could tell that would get him out of this one. But then how much truth did he have to spill? And really, what was the worst that could happen? Was he scared of a no, or of a yes? Or was he just scared of there being a choice? Scared that the moment Riku decided Roxas was going to be stuck visiting what ifs and maybes. He didn't want that. But he also didn't want to try only for it to fail and regret it.

"I kissed you so you wouldn't follow me inside." And that was the truth. Roxas had been counting on the surprise keeping Riku still and it had worked. It wasn't the whole truth, but it a was a fraction of it. A small sliver in hopes of placating Riku. Of course, even if it worked it wouldn't last.

"And there was nothing else to it?" Riku was finally facing him now, Roxas felt the weight of his gaze and he struggles not to frown at the pressure, taking another drag of his cigarette as a way to stall for a moment, just a moment, it wouldn't work for long.

"No." And he realizes that word could go either way to Riku's question so he lets it hold for a moment. Lets it sit and watch Riku's lips pull into a slight frown in his peripheral vision. The moment Riku opens his mouth to question him, Roxas continues. "There is more to it. I just-" and his thought ends with a heavy sigh. Was he going for the whole truth? Was he only going to tell part of it? "What- what all has Sora told you?"

"All he says is it has to be me. That I'm the only one that can pull you back in." His tone was frustrated, like he was getting fed up with the games the twins were playing and Roxas figures, if- when he tell Riku the truth he likely owes Sora an apology. Sora doesn't break promises, but he doesn't lie either. He had been walking a thin line these last few weeks and Roxas knew it.

"I- well- okay." He lets out an explosive sigh before taking another pull on his cigarette and shifting to look at Riku. "I- I saw your soulmate name, it was a while back now, I don't even remember why you had the bracelet off or why I was there what matters is I saw it. And I should have told you then but I didn't and now I've apparently been a major inconvenience on everyone. But that's not the point." He was trailing smoke as he gestured and now his gaze averts to watch it fade out into the darkness of the coming night. "The point is that the name on your wrist isn't mine while the name on my wrist is yours."

It was almost comical watching that information settle in Riku's brain. His eyebrows pulled together at first, like he wanted to be mad or confused and a frown was camped on his lips like it was ready to stay there until they were done talking. But as soon as Roxas lets the last sentence fall from his mouth Riku's face falls lax, eyebrows raising, jaw loosening just enough for his mouth to fall open just barely, the surprise at Roxas's admission clearly evident.

"So- wait." Hid head tips forward just slightly, hand raising to rub his forehead and Roxas waits for him to continue letting the information process and settle before speaking again. "You've been pulling away, _running_ away and sulking this entire time because _your name_ isn't on _my wrist_?"

"You say that like my actions make no sense." Roxas takes the final pull of his cigarette before stubbing it out and flicking the butt out into the sky for the wind to carry off.

"But did you think for a second to, I don't know, ask me?" And Riku made it sound _simple_ like Roxas hadn't been waiting for years and years to find the person whose name matched the one on his wrist, like he wasn't allowed to be crushed, maybe a little devastated even to find out that his name didn't happen to appear on their wrist- spent all this time wondering if he name was on _anyone's_ wrist.

"Gee, let me think, _no_. You've always spent enough time with Sora, it only made sense really." And Roxas is moving to get off the parapet, to stand and walk away when Riku's hand catches his wrist.

"That's only because that was generally where _you_ were, dumbass."

And he's being pulled forward and he thinks that's a little risky because it's a _long way down_ if they fell off but Riku's arms are going around him and- oh. Oh Riku was kissing him. Maybe the universe rewarded the truth after all.


End file.
